Knucknfutts-mat

Alan Charles Griffiths 1954 - 2009 - Obituary - Tributes.com

2010-01-21T18:14:00.000-08:00

For those who knew and loved him.

Alan Charles Griffiths 1954 - 2009 - Obituary - Tributes.com

Pet Blog | Sanitation Workers Save Dogs from Drowning

2009-11-23T06:06:00.000-08:00

Pet Blog | Sanitation Workers Save Dogs from Drowning

After ski accident, a builder rebuilds his life from a wheelchair - San Jose Mercury News

2009-11-22T08:47:00.000-08:00

After ski accident, a builder rebuilds his life from a wheelchair - San Jose Mercury News

2009-06-09T01:32:00.000-07:00

It's still the same, that feeling.
The sand still surrenders to my feet, the surf continues it's thrumming, and the moon still reflects off the ocean in a carpet of glass.
Though I always seem to share these moments in solitude, I never feel apart or alone.
Some how this experience never fails to give me enormous joy and the sure knowledge that I am a part of something grand, glorious, and beyond beautiful.
It's still the same, a Southern California beach at midnight.

HAPPY 62nd

2009-02-06T10:34:00.000-08:00

Farmer John

"Peanut, exhibit A"

Finally, after all this time, some land of my own.

2009-01-25T08:15:00.000-08:00

View to the west under a weird bowed tree.

Our "jungle"

Renee's "Magic Forest"

Hundred year old miner's shack.

It has been said that a man is not a man until he has some land of his own. I don't know about all that but, despite my continued attempts to screw up, I've managed to get my own.

Alice

2009-01-14T18:15:00.000-08:00

2009-01-04T21:39:00.000-08:00

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Pretend you're laying on your back looking straight up.

This is from our New Years show in San Francisco

Facebook | Videos Posted by Matt Boom

Another San Francisco New Years

2009-01-02T14:30:00.001-08:00

Once again I have been able to help produce a fantastic show for the people of San Francisco.

New Years Eve 2009 Fireworks for San Francisco

2009-01-02T14:15:00.000-08:00

The flames try to get me.

Reminding me of the surface of the sun.

Nikitty

2008-12-03T05:52:00.000-08:00

Joshua Tree circa 1980's

2008-12-01T21:36:00.000-08:00

Mat on acid in Jumbo Rocks.

A Frontier Family

2008-11-26T10:19:00.000-08:00

Zim

2008-11-23T21:45:00.001-08:00

AWWWW

2008-11-13T20:46:00.001-08:00

Crockett

2008-11-11T16:58:00.000-08:00

2008-11-03T21:38:00.001-08:00

The Flame

2008-10-23T18:47:00.001-07:00

Some shots of Alison Kraus, Robert Plant, & T-Bone Burnett

2008-10-22T05:28:00.001-07:00

Giants-Dodgers-A Son A Dad And Their Wives

2008-10-11T22:51:00.000-07:00

Myopic Skeleton

2008-10-10T22:47:00.000-07:00

Step Daughter

2008-10-09T05:15:00.000-07:00

Hitched !

2008-10-06T17:40:00.000-07:00

On September 26 I married Renee. Finally, after a 6 year engagement that proved our desire and determination to commit to each other. With just JJ and Nikita we went down to the courthouse and had a wonderful little wedding. I do believe we're pretty happy. I know I am.

4th of July San Francisco 2008

2008-07-13T08:45:00.000-07:00

On the Fourth of July, 2008 I was lucky enough to take part in the pyrotechnic display for the city of San Francisco. This was a two part display. There was a barge in the bay ,just off Fisherman's Wharf with about 3,000 shells and there was a setup on the municipal pier in Aquatic Park, with another 3,000 shells, fountains, mines, and candles. I worked on the Aquatic Park piece. Fog rolled in around 8:30 and reduced the ceiling, which pretty much obscured the barge , however since the pier was closer to shore the effects weren't as diminished. The above picture was taken 30 minutes after the show and as you can clearly see the fog has dissipated and the stars came out. Oh well.
It is a rarity for a show to come off "perfect", that is with 100% of the shells firing. This was such a show. The roar of the crowd after the finale is something electric and difficult to explain. I can say, though, that I can understand why rockstars crave the audience attention.I am a part of the "A" team and I am so proud. I LOVE PYRO.

The Site

The Golden Gate Bridge

A tall ship

The Coast Guard patrols Alcatraz and the Bay.

A beautiful day for sailing.

The Municipal Pier, Aquatic Park.

The sun sets, the seagulls fly, and the fog approaches.

"Cheese it ! The cops!"

Looks like a foggy night.

The Crew

CC and the Boss

CC and Lisa sporting pyro balloons

Pyro Trish and the "Shell of Shells", a 12" ball of fun.

Matt "Boom" with the SOS.

Ghirardelli sundaes for Mat and crew.

Pat with Roman Candles.

Waitin' for dark.

Mmm,err, yep. So fuckin' what?

The Bomb Squad

Sirius, the bomb dog, and his master.

"Oh my God!,This must be heaven." says Sirius.

Sirius finds a 10".

His signature.

They love pyro.

The Set Up

The Trans America Building

Alcatraz

A 10" awaits

Across the bay Sausalito erupts

The Show

Different Vantage Points

From the end of the pier

Up Close

Towers Last Dance

2008-06-27T23:38:00.000-07:00

2008-06-15T22:22:00.001-07:00

2008-06-13T16:53:00.000-07:00

JELLY

2008-06-09T23:34:00.001-07:00

My Son, Travis

2008-06-09T05:40:00.001-07:00

2008-05-31T08:07:00.001-07:00

Today I Saved A Bird

2008-05-22T05:25:00.001-07:00

Today I saved a bird.
I feel good knowing I saved a life.
I didn't hurt this bird.
I was gentle.
Cobwebs held the bird helpless.
It was so small and vulnerable.
It trusted me absolutely.
I removed the entangling web without pulling his legs out
I would like to keep a hummingbird as a friend.
I set him free.
I feel good.
I saved a bird.

Forgiveness

2008-05-08T17:22:00.000-07:00

Forgive my vanity, I still feel young.

Forgive my confidence, I do not fear.

Forgive my love, I do not hate.

Forgive my happiness, I am not sad.

Forgive my anger, I am enraged.

Forgive my health, I am not sick.

Forgive my gray, I am aging.

Forgive my enemy, I am his friend.

Forgive my peace, I am not insane.

Forgive my mistakes, I am human.

Forgive my tears, I am crying.

Forgive my smile, I am laughing.

Aw Fuck You Anyway !!!

This is my egg named Dennis..

2008-05-06T20:59:00.000-07:00

This is my egg named Dennis.

It used to be a green egg...

I had never seen a green egg before.

I didn't know what to do with it.

So I named it Dennis...

And ate it !!!

Progeny

2008-05-04T08:59:00.000-07:00

Kym, Hayley, & Lexy

Karrie, Reef, & Ridge

Melissa, & Owen

Jen & Travis

2008-05-02T21:16:00.000-07:00

So, of course I had intended to say some sort of deep comments on life and sanity however, the more I watch what's going on in my family right now, I believe my best course of action right now is no action at all. It's probably best that I try and be supportive in one way or another.

I have retreated to my brother's place up in the mountains. Here I may lick my wounds and decompress. I wish there was more I could do for the family but my battle rages on within me.

Mat of La Mancha

2008-04-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

I am the Mat Quixote.
I tilt at the windmills of depression.
I do battle with the demons of others.
It is a war that I must wage.
At stake is my sanity.
I wish to champion their cause and somehow find worth in myself.
My enemies lay in wait.
They hide in the dark recesses of desire.
Their poison tipped arrows aimed at my heart fail to penetrate my shell.
My vulnerability is the armor I wear.
My love is the power I wield.
Though it is their conflict, it is my cause.
I shall prevail.

2008-04-20T21:40:00.000-07:00

The uneasiness started on my way to the freeway. It had been a wonderful day and evening at my muses in the city. She had made some bad ass coffee and it was doing its job well. Wide awake and aware. Somethings not right though. There's a pain in the left arm and wrist that comes and goes then comes back again. The nausea follows and some tightness in the chest threatens to squeeze off all breath. Then the flitters and flutters. Dizziness and a vague sense of fear start to set in. At home the pacing and confusion start. Go to the hospital or go to sleep? A decision has to be made and is. It may be embarrassing but it's just too obvious that something is terribly wrong. The symptoms worsen on the way to the hospital. At the emergency room an ekg is taken and the signals come out screwy. Everything starts to mellow out at just about the time the IV is inserted. The rest of the night is spent in fitful sleep. No work last week for Mat.

The Wages of Love.

2008-04-15T11:26:00.000-07:00

Again ?

2008-03-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

Is this a pattern?
The way it's always going to be?
Am I supposed to pick up the pieces when their worlds fall apart?
At what point will I ultimately fail? For fail I must.
That is my pattern.
I board hell bound trains hoping to divert their paths only to be left on a siding.
I'm not sure I want to play that game anymore.
I don't want to live in Dostoevsky's black visage.
I prefer the light.
Goth and depression bore me.
I yearn for the beauty and color in life.
I love the feeling of blood coursing through my veins.
I want pure love and to love pure.
Boop Boop Be Doop

Disneyland '08

2008-03-16T01:57:00.001-07:00

2008-03-07T06:39:00.001-08:00

2008-03-06T23:33:00.000-08:00

Do you remember innocence?
Do you remember feeling safe?
Do you remember your first trip to Disneyland?
Do you remember tugging on the creases in the sheets in bed at night?
Do you remember the "things" in an open closet in the dark that caused terror?
Do you remember that special stuffed friend that you held so close?
Can you still bring them to the fore?

I can and I do !

I must !

A letter to Dennis (thoughts on suicide)

2008-03-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

Dennis,

I so am simpatico with you on suicide. I have been so completely shattered by suicide that it's most probable I will never fully recover. When those I love contemplate the ultimate sacrifice, I am physically shaken. Suicide, like depression, is a black hole that sucks anything that travels within its event horizon down into it. It breeds more destruction than it ends. There are those who feel that it's easier for a suicide victim to "deal with it" than one to commit the act. I call "Bullshit". I have dealt with the fallout now longer than most of those I've known were ever alive. It is a specter that still haunts me almost daily. It's made doubly worse when I see it coming and am so seemingly powerless to prevent it.
No, Dennis, our feelings and pain are just as real as theirs was. Is it somehow easier for us to deal with life than they, when they've made it so much harder? Am I , somehow, more selfish than they? Am I the one who should be condemned for being "insensitive" when in reality I am the one who truly cared not they? I guess this is the price we must pay for being able to love.

March 3, 2008 8:49:00 AM PSTs

2008-03-02T00:12:00.001-08:00

2008-03-01T21:11:00.000-08:00

Young eyes in an old man's body.

My eyes cloud and cataract.

They see no relevance in their vision.

All the new is now ancient.

The towers not built are tumbling down.

Weeds and mold fill the cracks that creep through the walls.

I miss the bees so much.

Garage band music wafting through the air.

The ocean had a fresh smell.

Orange blossoms in winter.

There's graffitti where my home used to be.

Take The Test

2008-02-22T10:43:00.000-08:00

The Drink Wheel

On-Line BrAC Calculator

About
Disclaimer

I have had
over a period of hour(s)².

I am Male Female
(Explanation of gender differences in Blood
Alcohol Concentration)

and I weigh Pounds Kilograms

and I live in

(so that the result is displayed in the appropriate units).

About the Drink Wheel

The Intoximeters Inc. "Drink Wheel"¹ is a form that you can fill out. Upon completion we will instantly compute your estimated blood/breath alcohol concentration ("BAC") based on the information that you have provided and return that estimate to you. It is presented as a public service to Intoximeters web site visitors. Its primary purpose is to provide useful information about the responsible use of alcohol.

Why is it called a "Drink Wheel"?

We call it the "Drink Wheel" because it is based on various paper and cardboard BAC calculators that are given out in alcohol awareness programs, some of which are in the form of a wheel that you can spin around to calculate your estimated BAC based on what and how much you have had to drink.

Disclaimer

It would be extremely foolish for us
to pretend that our "Drink Wheel" can tell you what your BAC actually is, first because it would open us up to an incredible amount of potential liability and second if it really did work accurately there would be no need for anyone to buy the instruments that we make and sell.

A person's actual BAC is dependent on many complex factors, including their physical condition (body composition, health etc...) and what they have recently ingested (including food, water, medications and other drugs). This site includes a more detailed discussion of the Pharmacology and Disposition of alcohol in humans.

The results that are generated are rough estimates of an average healthy person's BAC assuming typical beverage sizes, recipes and alcohol content. The BAC estimates generated by the Drink Wheel should not be used to infer anyone's fitness to work, drive or perform any other task or duty.

I Shall Be Forgotten

2008-02-14T18:12:00.000-08:00

It's been a long day.
A glorious sunrise gave way to morning fog and rain.
Noon broke the clouds and cleared the sky.
The sun still shines bright but the shadows are getting long.
Twilight approaches and the night not long after.
Memories of the day will linger through the evening,
But a new day will dawn and yesterday will be gone.
The childrens children will remember fondly the silly old man with the huge mustache.
Their progeny may see faded photos of someone they really can't place.
The wind and the tide will erase all traces of footprints in the sand or any evidence of my passage.
So,I will live today in today, for tomorrow I shall be forgotten.

2008-02-08T08:54:00.000-08:00

2008-02-08T01:31:00.000-08:00

I'm so tired of being "strong".
Trying to be perfect makes me weary.
My patience and tolerance ebbs.
I yearn to be "bad".
Just a little evil.
I want to fuck up.
To have the need to be forgiven.
I'd like to see if anyone loves me as much as I love.
Ah, but that's just a pipe dream.
A fantasy born of self pity.
And anyway there would be no accomplice.
No one willing to contribute to my delinquency.
Or should I say...

I'm spent.

2008-02-03T09:34:00.000-08:00

2008-01-20T00:32:00.000-08:00

MAVERICKS 2008

2008-01-13T19:47:00.001-08:00

2008-01-11T00:13:00.000-08:00

Love
Need
Obsession
Desire
Lust
Control
Want
Acceptance
Rejection
Depression
Anger
Conflict
Position
Possession
Infatuation
Ecstasy
Taboo
Pain
Loneliness...

Love

2008-01-09T22:29:00.001-08:00

Ghost & Color

2008-01-08T05:19:00.001-08:00

New Years 2008 - San Francisco

2008-01-01T19:54:00.000-08:00

Snow Day

2007-12-28T11:32:00.001-08:00

Holiday Color

2007-12-28T11:25:00.000-08:00

2007-12-23T10:11:00.000-08:00

Watching the aquarium
Don't tap on the glass
In a world apart
Isolated in a full room
One sided conversation
"Yeah", "Wow, really","Uh Huh"
Blank eye contact
Understanding nods
Apologetic bathroom breaks
Pretty, pretty fish

2007-12-19T22:28:00.001-08:00

Mavericks - Opening Day

2007-12-09T22:43:00.001-08:00

A Place of Honor for the Clown (on the fridge)

2007-12-02T21:11:00.000-08:00

FEATHER FALLS

2007-11-25T12:10:00.000-08:00

The sixth highest waterfall in the United States.
GO RP - National Recreation Trails - Feather Falls

Water plunges 640 feet over a sheer granite cliff to the canyon floor in its rush to meet the Middle Fork of the Feather River and Lake Oroville.

The Feather Falls National Recreation Trail, a challenging self-guided trail (2,500 foot elevation gain) will take you to beautiful Feather Falls.

Brother John - Electric

2007-11-23T19:52:00.001-08:00

2007-11-12T23:40:00.000-08:00

It's the same feeling
The smells aren't as sharp as before
The sights lack the clarity.
But the feeling is the same.
Midnight moon, ocean breeze,rumbling surf.
Fishing boats bob on the swells as they shine for squid.
The curve of the coastline is still outlined in diamonds.
Men and boys dressed in sweats and jackets talk excitedly as they try their luck as night fishermen.
Lovers still cling to each other cooing as they stroll along the pier.
The feeling is still the same
The beauty and serenity is still the same
So is the dull ache in the heart
A moment unshared

Meet the Grandkids

2007-11-12T00:11:00.000-08:00

I never thought it would come to this.

2007-11-05T23:26:00.000-08:00

Should I sneer ?
Should I hate the world I live in ?
Maybe despise myself so much that I
Treat those around me the way I feel I deserve ?
Show disdain for the love offered ?
Waste away the time others have spent ?
Squander the riches I have inherited ?
Shall I infest the life I live with cancerous self pity ?

Nah,
Not today.

I'm not in the mood.

The Crystal Eye

2007-10-30T21:52:00.001-07:00

Marky Speaks

2007-10-25T20:56:00.000-07:00

It is not often when you know someone who is as interesting to watch as to listen to in a conversation. My dear friend Mark is one of those.

During one intense interaction, I was struck by the animation occurring before my very eyes. I lifted my camera and took this series of photos. Helio continued to speak and make point after point with no regard for the camera. This IS what it looks like to speak with him. How much fun can one have in one conversation?

Fire, Smoke and Wind

2007-10-23T21:00:00.001-07:00

We had spotted the smoke earlier in the day on the horizon.

From Marky's back yard we enjoyed the incredible sunset that only severe smoke could produce, a harbinger of a hell to come.

The decision was made. After a weekend sublime, it was time to go home. Hopefully the fires wouldn't interfere.
It was after Magic Mountain that the fire presented itself. To my right, in the East , I saw flames and sparks shooting into the air like a volcano.
A few miles farther North my way was barred by a wall of flame across the horizon. From a vantage point West I was able to take a few pictures.

I abandoned my travels north and attempted to find a way around by going west. This way proved to be more spectacular with lines of fire meandering up the hillsides. The winds in these canyons were approaching 100 miles an hour. Getting out of my car, I was immediately stung by debris blasting out of the east. My mouth filled with grit and ruined the gum that I had been chewing. Going into the town of Piru I found dozens of emergency vehicles waiting to called upon. The glow behind the hills was ominous and spoke of evil coming with destruction in mind.

The next day dawned with air that burned the eyes, attacked the throat, clogged the sinuses, and leadened the lungs.
There was very little light and not much visibility. Not until Santa Marguerita did the smoke finally reach an end.

The winds that had produced such a lovely pristine evening sky 2 nights before and a beautiful sunset the next had turned into a devil that ended up causing terrible loss of property and life.
Go figure.

2007-10-21T07:48:00.000-07:00

Fat crescent moon shining in a crystalline LA night sky

Stars so bright it's difficult to tell where the horizon ends and the lights of the Hollywood Hills begin

A warm Santa Ana wind bends hundred foot tall palms earthward, their fronds plummeting down like samurai sword hail stones

The sounds that can only come from a church carnival in the air

Children laughing with glee and screaming in mock terror while riding the zipper or the flying bus

Mariachi music and amateur christian singers

Smiling faces

Everywhere smiling faces

Beautiful smiling faces

And those of my friends, my brothers, the most beautiful of all

2007-10-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

My God is better

Your god doesn't exist

I guess you must DIE

HSB Saturday

2007-10-07T00:50:00.000-07:00

Austin Lounge Lizards

Jimmy LaFave

James McMurtry

Butch Hancock, Jimmie Dale Gilmour,Bill Kirchen, and Joe Ely

T-Bone Burnett

Michelle Shocked

Jimmie Lauderdale

Neko Case

HSB Friday

2007-10-06T08:39:00.001-07:00

My Home For The Weekend

Buddy Miller

T-Bone Burnett

T-Bone, Mellencamp & Neko Case

FMLA

2007-10-01T23:04:00.000-07:00

The Family & Medical Leave Act (FMLA) is a federal law that requires organizations with 50 or more employees and public companies of all sizes to allow employees to take unpaid leave to care for ill family members – or to recover, if they themselves are ill. The law also requires that when such employees return from leave, they come back to the same or substantially similar positions.

So long Barry

2007-09-26T05:26:00.001-07:00

The only way to stop this...

was to do this.

Dinner at Scoma's

2007-09-22T00:46:00.001-07:00

Does it spell something?

Around Her House

2007-09-18T23:02:00.001-07:00

2007-09-18T05:29:00.000-07:00

The dog is broken

Painted mummies as art

Happy face at 25

OJ's in jail

Floods are coming

God's being sued

The dog is broken

The water won't flow

The words don't come

The head doesn't clear

She refuses to call

The fires are lit

The dog is broken

2007-09-14T05:21:00.000-07:00

Pray silently please,
Your own god is not my god
Your words are not mine

Golden Gate Park , September 2, 2007

2007-09-03T21:33:00.000-07:00

I was thirteen during the "Summer of Love". I had just figured out that my parents and society were full of shit. They preached "God is Love" in church, taught us the Golden Rule, created a fantasy world of how it should be, on tv and in movies, then practiced bigotry, intolerance, greed, and violence in the real world. The "Summer of Love" was a time when the children actually tried to practice what they were taught. It was a complete repudiation of our parents and society. Fueled by psychedelic's they tried to create a world without boundaries. No limits. This was the birth of free speech, free love, and free thinking.

The music that came out of San Francisco at this time captured my imagination and touched me in a visceral way. Nothing like it had ever been heard. Here was where musical exploration really took off. Reverb, wah-wah,Leslie's on Hammond B's, echo, and feedback. STEREO !!!
Multi-track recording and special effects were new and represented a new frontier for music.

Unfortunately our children have turned into our parents and we are as ridiculed and trivialized today as much as then. The world was changed and so many of the things that are taken for granted today are a direct result of the passions played out on the streets during this time.

What's so funny about peace, love. and understanding ?

Absolutely nothing to those who didn't close their minds and sell out. Nothing to those who haven't given up on living a life worth living. Nothing to those who have found out how to truly love.

Set Times

Considered the first "Hippy"

Mike Wilhelm

Barry Melton

Dan Hicks

A Hot Lickette

Rowan Brothers

Wavy Gravy, Salmon, and Lobster

An original Digger

My friend the troll

Leopard Man and his Angel

Interesting People

Mat's back stage he's so cool

Taj Mahal

Canned Heat

Paul Kantner gives me the Eye

Not sure who he is but he sure was cool

Brian Auger on the Hammond B

Gotta Love It

Lydia Pense & Cold Blood

C'mon give me a break

By the end the crowd had swollen to maximum engorgment

2007-09-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

The storm's coming, I have no clothes

The mexican lady says I can't touch her food

The house in the photo

There are dolls in the windows

The storm's coming, I have no clothes

I can't stay here, it's not my home

Home ?

I steal through the bedroom stepping on the sleeping

Which one is mine ?

The photo in the house

The storm's coming, I have no clothes

The food's on a shelf above the washer

I didn't take, only touched

They care a little, not enough

The door's are locked and now she's sleeping

The storm's coming, I have no clothes

My parents were different.

2007-08-30T22:43:00.000-07:00

Where's Mat's Thigh ?

2007-08-26T22:47:00.001-07:00

Beautiful, No?

2007-08-26T09:22:00.000-07:00

2007-08-22T17:09:00.001-07:00

Phrase for the Day - "Pop Your Clogs"

2007-08-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

"Possibly to pawn one's clogs. As clogs were once essential, this would only be done if one had no further need of them - if one was dead.
The word 'pop', meaning to 'pawn', is an integral part of the Victorian song 'Pop goes the weasel', where a 'weasel' is thought to be a tradesman's specialised tool. The above suggested origin for 'pop your clogs' rings very true to me."
so now you can not only use the phrase, but impress people with your historical knowledge!
*loses friends instantly*

Thanks to Atheist.

2007-08-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

I
I should
I should know
I should know you
I should know you love
I should know you love me
I should know you love me because
I should know you love me because you
I should know you love me because you said
I should know you love me because you said so.
I should know you love me because you said
I should know you love me because you
I should know you love me because
I should know you love me
I should know you love
I should know you
I should know
I should
I

2007-08-18T21:43:00.000-07:00

2007-08-13T00:20:00.000-07:00

What's New Pussycat ?

2007-08-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

Weakness

Fatigue

Confusion

The knot tightens

The seams loosen

Senseless despair

Tears welling

So much love

So much waste

Alone again

Nikita got her own blog...

2007-08-09T19:04:00.000-07:00

drippage.blogger.com
i think...

i just don't want to overflow mats blog, but i'll still be here to contribute.

thanks, mat! and everyone.

Anonymous Letter

2007-08-06T00:27:00.000-07:00

this is a fictional piece i wrote in anger. Mat said i should type it up, so here I am. enjoy.

I've lit incense to cover the smell of blood. I can't think straight with it stalking my senses, and I want to tell the story from my eyes.

I don't know how much time I have. Perhaps the neighbors have already called the police; maybe they heard something. I tried to be as quiet as possible, but thinking straight has never really been my forte' to begin with.

You'll probably want to call it a crime of passion, I've certainly set it up to look that way, but if you look closer, you'll only find blind rage. I was meticulous ( I always am); I was ready to right the wrongs. I had not overlooked a single detail. This was my latest raison d'etre' of my rotten brain. I've spent a life time swooning over fools like him, searching for eyes that register on the same level as mine. But not only did I find his did not, I found insincere confessions of love and a broken heart. He spat in my face, laughed, and turned away.

I feel I've repaid the favor.

Now, I came here not fully intending to carry out my happy plan; it was safe in the darkest reaches of the back of my mind, kept at bay by hope, but completely available to any sudden anger and instability. I came instead to try to make a truce in order for both of us to function in overlapping worlds. He was always in my dreams: beating me, raping me, bidding my Fido into traffic. I lost my soul to him and since then have lost my wits. But I still hoped he would comply, that we may brainstorm harmony at an all hours cafe. Maybe he could move away? Or keep away?

I hoped all the way to his door, humming the tune to Crocodile Rock and fiddling with the change in my pocket. My hands were sweating. It wasn't that he was mean, he was just thoughtless, though I'm not here to make excuses for him.

And who was I to think he'd refuse to compromise?

This, I admit, made me angry. He was working hard in the community where as I couldn't participate since our estrangement. The resulting dismissal from my responsibilities was only beginning to sour in my stomach and show on my breath. With each moment I was seething, bitter at his disrespect and my lack of coping mechanism or confidence. As red dye saturated my sockets I searched my brain for a better solution, but looking at him only made my stomach turn. I was assaulted by flashbacks to our mutual sexual encounters that made me cringe. I held my breath and stumbled backwards, still hoping...

Through my mental chaos I felt my hand grip a pillow I had tripped over. My mind raced , half screaming for me to put the pillow back down and half cackling with joy and madness as his meaningless words echoed subtly in the background. Soon I was on top of him with the pillow over his face, biting my tongue in ecstasy as his body jerked in vain to save itself where his master had failed- and oh, had he failed. I shuddered as his nose caved in under my weight and i heard the squeal of a pig. then, as suddenly as he had always appeared, he had vanished and the dead weight below me was still.

As was I, still pressing the pillow with all of my weight. My eyes glazed over as I thought.

There was only one thing to do; it was time to make my statement. I sat back on the dead weight's stomach and lifted the pillow from its face. It's bright green eyes now looked slightly purple to my vision, they were protruding, those eyes I had searched so thoroughly and even in death were averted from me. The lips made a perfect O, it was as comical as it was graceless as it was morbid. I relished the sight.
Minutes later I had dragged the body into the kitchen and was setting myself to the task of preparation. The knife slid easily through the flesh in my business-like state. I left enough meat on the bones to rot in the case of late discovery, which at this point, I'm putting all my money on. My time is limited.

I only began to make suspicious noises- my animalistic grunts were almost mute in caution and control- when I had to hack the majority into smaller pieces, which for someone of my small size is seldom easy work. The act is what the act is, I shall not try to make poetry out of it with details of the surrounding blood, or saws getting caught in the floor, or worse: how I nicked my finger.

My statement was this: be careful of your influence. I left meat hanging in the closet, purified in food containers in the refrigerator, in the cat food bowl set out for strays. I nailed meat on the walls, left chunky bones as doorstops, ashtrays (ashes but no butts.), and in shoes. The list goes on and on, and I suppose you will be lucky enough to see my art for yourself. I kept a few pieces for myself to leave in certain places.
I painted in blood on the floor: at first you were everywhere with purpose.

They will know who it was, and I am tired. I must do what I have to-

end this letter.

Signed,
Anonymous

Peepers

2007-08-05T00:56:00.001-07:00

My Exquisite Torture

2007-08-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

It can't be said
It shouldn't be thought
It dare not be felt
Oh what an exquisite torture

Every look stolen
Every word guarded
Every touch an ecstasy
Every thought a fantasy

It must stay hidden
Just under the surface
The stakes too high
Exposure too costly

A secret unshared
Heart eternally unbared
But it is mine
My exquisite torture

Road Kill I

2007-07-28T08:02:00.000-07:00

Hiking Trail Kill

Rail Road Kill

Beach Kill

My first finale

2007-07-27T19:31:00.000-07:00

I finally got this video done. It is from the 4th of July,2007 show in San Ramon. This is the first show I ever fired myself. I'm especially proud of the timing.

More on the 4th

2007-07-24T06:53:00.000-07:00

A little bit of the 4th.

I really don't like the song.

It seems like phony patriotiotic shit. A real patriot should be outraged and a little embarrassed.

Enjoy

Pedal Monster

2007-07-21T23:29:00.002-07:00

Enter at your own risk !

Life sized Mouse Trap

A bike gets crushed by 2ton safe.

Golden Gate Bridge Bike
Fully functional but a bit unwieldy. A work of genius. Note the rainbow spanning the towers.

Doggy Diner Dogs

FUNZONE

Guitar Machines, Dead Baby's, and Rides.

What is a ride without a beer and a smoke ?

The Evil Drunken Clown hates me. Look in His eyes. He contemplates my destruction as he drinks.
Bad Clown !

Flooseys Ride

The clown rides

We Fly

Beauty in a Chinese Cemetary

2007-07-17T22:28:00.001-07:00

Knucknfutts-mat

Alan Charles Griffiths 1954 - 2009 - Obituary - Tributes.com

Pet Blog | Sanitation Workers Save Dogs from Drowning

After ski accident, a builder rebuilds his life from a wheelchair - San Jose Mercury News

HAPPY 62nd

Finally, after all this time, some land of my own.

Alice

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Facebook | Videos Posted by Matt Boom

Another San Francisco New Years

New Years Eve 2009 Fireworks for San Francisco

Nikitty

Joshua Tree circa 1980's

A Frontier Family

Zim

AWWWW

Crockett

The Flame

Some shots of Alison Kraus, Robert Plant, & T-Bone Burnett

Giants-Dodgers-A Son A Dad And Their Wives

Myopic Skeleton

Step Daughter

Hitched !

4th of July San Francisco 2008

Towers Last Dance

JELLY

My Son, Travis

Today I Saved A Bird

Forgiveness

This is my egg named Dennis..

Progeny

Mat of La Mancha

The Wages of Love.

Again ?

Disneyland '08

A letter to Dennis (thoughts on suicide)

Take The Test

The Drink Wheel On-Line BrAC Calculator About Disclaimer

About the Drink Wheel

Why is it called a "Drink Wheel"?

Disclaimer

I Shall Be Forgotten

MAVERICKS 2008

Ghost & Color

New Years 2008 - San Francisco

Snow Day

Holiday Color

Mavericks - Opening Day

A Place of Honor for the Clown (on the fridge)

FEATHER FALLS

Brother John - Electric

Meet the Grandkids

The Crystal Eye

Marky Speaks

Fire, Smoke and Wind

HSB Saturday

HSB Friday

FMLA

So long Barry

Dinner at Scoma's

Around Her House

Golden Gate Park , September 2, 2007

My parents were different.

Where's Mat's Thigh ?

Beautiful, No?

Phrase for the Day - "Pop Your Clogs"

What's New Pussycat ?

Nikita got her own blog...

Anonymous Letter

Peepers

My Exquisite Torture

Road Kill I

My first finale

More on the 4th

Pedal Monster

Beauty in a Chinese Cemetary

The Drink Wheel

On-Line BrAC Calculator

About
Disclaimer