Howard‘s voice finally cracked, “How do I say goodbye to my best friend?” He was crying ! My blood froze. I had never heard or even thought it possible from him. For a month he had been talking and arguing with me about his decision. I had tried reasoning, pleading, and threatening to no avail. He had been incredibly upbeat and happy with his choice, until this moment. My body and mind went limp. All I could say was “ I love you.” I hung up the phone zombie like.
I sat there stunned until panic caused me to pick up the phone and call his dad. “ I think Howard’s going to kill himself.” Mel immediately hung up and called his only surviving son. A few minutes later he returned my call and told me that he had talked Howard out of it.
I drank a couple of beers and went to bed feeling hopeful. Before I could drift off, my phone rang. There was nothing but silence on the other end. It was Howard ! I screamed his name into the phone. Still nothing. I slammed the phone down and just lay there clutching my pillow.
An hour or so later my phone rang for the last time that night. “ Well, He did it. After Eddy, How could he do this to us ?” (Eddy was Howard’s brother who had been killed in
Later that night I was shaken from my sleep by a vision that I can still remember and feel today. A bobcat was on my chest. His claws were buried deeply and its razor sharp teeth bit forcefully into me. I could barely breathe and the sheer agony was as intense and real as any waking pain I have ever felt.
Maybe his pain was over, but my nightmare had just begun.
