Those words were written at the top of the paper. A poem I had written in a 8th grade English class at Rim of the World High School. The script was as beautiful as the teacher that had written them. I was clearly her favorite. I had just returned to regular classes after having been banished to continuation for a few months. It was the result of getting busted for pot. In 1967 it was a major crime. She saw me as a misunderstood rebel.
Anyway, the words were there and their truth was burning a hole right through me. It's probably the most accurate description of me then, and since. In 3rd grade I had been deemed a genius by my teacher in Rialto. I was put in accelerated learning until my mother put a stop to it. She was a Christian Scientist and took umbrage at the schools request for a psychiatric evaluation. Again at the beginning of 7th grade I was placed in student leadership. A month later we moved to Twin Peaks and that was then end of that. I seldom studied. Shit just seemed to come easy to me.
Okay so I'm bright. However I just don't seem to be willing to make the efforts or exercise the discipline needed to fully develop my potential. I guess that's called being lazy.(Sloth) Isn't that one of the Deadly Sins? Oh God, I'm going to Hell !
Two years after writing the poem and reading the remarks, I found that paper again. It was in my mother's desk along with two other letters. The first was authored by that teacher and addressed to me. In it she spoke words of encouragement and understanding. She identified with me and thought people like us were ahead of our time. The second letter was a copy of a letter my mother had written to the principle of that school. My mom told the principle that she believed the teacher was responsible for my use of marijuana and general rebellious nature. Teachers like her were corrupting our youth.
I have no idea how much damage that letter caused, but I'm sure my teachers career wasn't helped any. That was 1967 remember.
The finding of those letters and the fact that I had been kept from reading my own mail infuriated me. I vowed never to hide the truth from my children and to be as honest with them as I could. I have kept that vow.
One of the things I learned in my youth was that kids always know , or find out when you're full of shit. So I let them see that I'm only human and an imperfect one to be sure. They seem to love and respect despite that. Go wonder!
Still, I guess I'm gonna burn for that laziness crap.
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1 comment:
again my fathers daughter i jsut have to say that i love hearing what u have to say and it scares me to the core that i can relate on what ur thinking and saying, people never feel they can truely express themselves and be honest, they want to go with what society thinks they can but thats pretty much a load of crap...i really dont think in the human lifespan at anytime people believed they can share their thoughts with someone and i hope that that time is ove cause i will not have any sort of relattionship with anyne that does not let me do that, i like me i like what i have to say and to hell with anyone who has a problem with it, i am loved and i think that has a lot to do with the fact i am not afraid to show my weaknesses or my strengths i cannot e me without being that way, i may end up alone because another person cannot handle it but to be honest thats ok, i just hope im setting someone else free cause ive set myself free....and no dad i am not on drugs haha i am well to be honest not quite sober, but just relaxed and expressive, and not to mention happy :) and noty in a naive way hahaha at least i hope not :)
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